Saturday, August 1, 2009

What's in a name

My brother asked me today what he should call me. It's all part of the process, since this is kind of a grey area I thought that I may write a bit about it.
Ever since I decided to go through with the transition The whole name and noun thing came into play.
From my perspective being refered to as she and being called Mikayla, can't happen soon enough. For one thing, to be called Mikayla, to me shows me that somebody gets me and cares enough to use my name. Hearing Mike just makes me cringe, it makes me think that people just either don't understand what I am doing or believe in where I'm going. I know that's not the case. I know that for most people who want to be supportive, they are simply unsure of what to do. My brother for example asked me when to refer to me as Mikayla, not because he was trying to hold off, but rather he wanted to find out the best ways to show support. I have a huge amount of respect for my brother for the way that he is handling this.
A part of me wants everyone to come along with this as they can. It's the part of me that wants to keep everyone happy and make no one uncomfortable. A bigger part of me wants to abolish the name Mike from my life today and forever.
So whats in a name, and what's with the importance of being a she?
The short answer is that I know who I am and I need to be able to stop leading a double life, with some people calling me Mike and others calling me Mikayla. It really helps me alot, it will also help the people around me to get used to the changes by adapting them sooner rather than later.
I don't have any male wardrobe left, my hair is long and physical changes are happening fast and furious. I can be out with friends or whoever and when someone turns around and says hey Mike, I instantly look like a doorknob, because the name does not blend with the presentation.
I've had some people say, I may never be able to call you Mikayla, well it makes me question the value of their friendship that they are not really even willing to try. They are quite happy to make me feel like a knob just so they can stay in their comfy box. Needless to say they'll be people that I once knew soon enough. I will have to do that just to get through this. It's not me with the problem.
For the most part I find that the overwhelming majority want to be supportive and what to help and encourage me. It's a great feeling.
I have great family and friends, I know that they are doing their best.
For the record I am a she not a he, my name is Mikayla, although Miki and Mischa will suffice. Last but not least, if you need a bit of help don't call me over because you need a man's help.